Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
