Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
