Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
