ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
