So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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