I wannas sexs uuuuu
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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