so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
