Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
