she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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