I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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