i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
