I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
