I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
