That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
