If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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