i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
