I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Ketchup is God's man juice
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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