just tell him i said nine months
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
