pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
