Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Randomize
