On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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