Someone shit on the floor
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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