You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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