Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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