I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You have to summon your inner elephant
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
