dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
