I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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