I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
