I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
