Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
