just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
