if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The Olympian is in my bed
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
