you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
