All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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