a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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