I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
