kristin has been a bad kristin
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
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