Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
