Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
