i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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