I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
