I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
All I want is dick and wine.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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