You're so nebulous sometimes
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
