Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
