I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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