currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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