We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
God I need to hump something, right now.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
