Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I am available for nakedness
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
