Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Randomize
