It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
not ubering you a puppy
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
