i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
