I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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