My Higher Power is John Stamos
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
