I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i think i just lost a toe
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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