It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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